brush your teeth......and floss!

i'm not entirely sure if dentist appointment etiquette really exists.  if it does, then i need some lessons.  

i have never been afraid of going to the dentist.  i did not grow up scared of the big chair or the shiny instruments or the mouth vacuum cleaner.  that may be many people, but that is not me.  no, to me a dentist visit can only be summed up in one word.

awkward.

a visit to the dentist is one of those rare situations where i suddenly do not know what to do with myself.  i mean, there you are reclined in a large leather chair.  a bright light is shining down on your face.  the whole idea of personal space is completely out the window as you look up and realize that there are two people only inches from your face trying to race against each other to see which one can cram the most items into your mouth in 30 seconds.

and then there's me.  the patient.  the one with about 200 questions rolling around in his mind.  is my mouth wide enough?  does my breath smell bad?  should i tell them that i don't have a gag reflex?  would they think that was cool?

even worse than those type of questions are the ones that i classify as the dentist appointment etiquette questions.  unfortunately, i do not know the correct answers to them.  it is likely that i never will; however, in an attempt to get it all out in the open i have listed some of them below:

1. where am i supposed to look?  do i look down?  do i stare at the ceiling?  making eye contact with the individuals working on my mouth at that proximity seems a little strange, so i usually stare at any open space i can find.  at a normal distance this may be an easy task, but it is not quite as easy when 75% of your view is occupied by giant faces.

2. what is the correct position for my tongue?  i always feel like my tongue is in the way.  as if secretly the dentist is saying, "why can't he just keep that thing out of my way?!  if he does that one more time, i'm going to tie it down!"  i always intend to leave it down in the bottom of my mouth, but somehow it has a mind of its own.  is that bad?  should i work on it before my next trip to the dentist?

3. is the 'no talking with your mouth full' rule out the window?  my mom always told me to wait until i swallowed before speaking.  it always seems like the dentist likes to ask questions when i am the least able to respond.  

here is an example:

i sit down.  the dentist says hi.  i respond with a hello.  i lean back. wait. wait. wait.  insert 5 metal instruments into mouth.  wait.  insert 2 more.  then, the dentist exclaims, "oh! i see you are an auburn fan (recognizing my auburn t-shirt).

now, why could he have not inserted a comment like that back before the mouth full of metal phase?  i could have calmly said, "yes, me and my wife both went to school there."  instead, he gets an awkward pause - time for me to decide my approach.  the silence is then followed up by some strange noise that signifies that i am indeed an auburn fan.

4. has anyone ever choked and/or coughed on the dentist?  If so, was he or she rude for doing so?  that is just a random one that i think about sometimes.

that's all i have for now.  i know that my thoughts are silly, but while other people are sitting there terrified, these are the things that are going through my head.  i guess i just need to keep my teeth in good shape so that i do not have to make dentist appointments that often.  the moral of the story is brush your teeth......and floss!